“A drop of sweetness mixes into the grief inside me. It’s only a drop in a sea, but in that moment, it feels like everything.”

Sara Holland

As much as we love to hate on 2020, this is undeniably the year that has blessed me in the most ways. Waves of gratitude that wash over me, crest, and spill out in words (and often tears) are a near daily occurrence right now.

The end of 2019 was cataclysmic. But little drops of sweetness over so many months (it seems like years and years) have sustained and nurtured me until I was overflowing, and healed me.

I am thankful for the return of my health, my vision, my speech and cognition, and my ability to take care of myself again. Just being able to sit here and write that sentence is something I’m profoundly thankful for.

I’m thankful for my husband, who was left to do everything for me while I was stricken with both a disabling illness and the devastating loss of a dear friend. I’m thankful for the friends, acquaintances, and even strangers who showed me kindness and offered support.

I am overwhelmed with gratitude for the very special friend who saw all of this mess and didn’t ever turn away, the one person who somehow knew exactly how to tenderly help me sift through the pieces of my broken heart. No words can express what you mean to me.

Finally, I’m thankful for the ability to return to my career in healthcare. Especially at this time when I’m needed. My work gives me purpose, and an outlet for the compassion and nurturing that So I’m celebrating Thanksgiving tonight, working a 16-hour overnight shift at the hospital. We are bracing for “the surge” but in reality, it’s already here. Tomorrow I’ll have a quiet day at home, with no visitors.

My Scent of the Night

I don’t enjoy sweets much. I always favor a dessert that has a strong component of acid or bitterness, or even savoriness, over something that is just sweet. Even when I’m eating fruit I usually add balsamic vinegar or Tajin or something…. I’m not saying that I don’t appreciate dessert, and I’m actually well known among family and friends for my pie and cake baking, but personally I would rather have a good blue cheese than a chocolate mousse. (This is why people who know me give me vinegars as gifts instead of candy).

I also don’t like many gourmand perfumes. They’re too much. The current trend toward everything being vanillic, and smelling of burnt sugar and oily nuttiness, brimming with cinnamon and coated in cocoa, soaked in sweet alcohol like bourbon and rum, these aren’t attractive to me. I struggle to understand why their popularity persists — there are so many of them, and there is so little distinction between most of them. It’s like perfume brands took a cue from casual dining restaurants and decided that everyone has to have a hot fudge sundae on the menu. It’s nothing special, but you can get it from us.

I will often fall hard for something that lands somewhere in the vicinity of gourmand, however. And that’s where I find myself with Chris Rusak’s Relief. There’s nothing overtly “edible” in it, but there are so many elements that have gourmand-like qualities to them, and they’re used to perfection.

Relief is 61% natural absolutes and oils, and it has marvelous contour and texture, ripples of light and dark values. Chris uses different aspects of the materials to echo notes through the perfume, in a way that feels like shading. One of the notes that I perceive subtly (but pervasively) throughout Relief is cocoa/chocolate. I smell two distinct instances of chocolate.

The orris in Relief has tones of a smooth, luxe chocolate bar, something in the mid 70% cacao range with a floral-berry finish, like a single-origin Madagascar. The tobacco though, I believe also smells of chocolate. Running through the whole composition it smells like tea, and hay, and the fresh green leaves of tobacco plants… and a rich devil’s food cake, made with Dutch cocoa, the kind with a moist, tender crumb.

The end result is just enough. Like when Erika breaks up a few little pieces of dark chocolate next to a big wedge of Rogue Creamery Smokey Blue.

(For my full review of Relief, please see this post.)

To make my work night special, I decided to pair Relief with Aftelier Chocolate and Saffron Body Oil. This oil is just divine. The chocolate is deep and rich. There is quite a bit of saffron, which adds a fabulous bitter earthiness, and an air of intimacy. It smells luxe and sophisticated — it’s edible, but on the edge. The oil itself is a blend of jojoba and fractionated coconut oil, which absorbs beautifully and never feels greasy. I can smell these oils on my skin for several hours after applying.

To share with friends, I’ve also brought this box of Charbonnel et Walker Pink Marc de Champagne Truffles. Unlike the perfume inspired by the candy, they are actually not very sweet. And also not too chocolatey.

Chocolate isn’t a favorite flavor (or smell) of mine, I only like it in small amounts. This perfume and body oil combination is perfect. Both of the scents are complex and fascinating; together, they give a taste of sumptuous chocolate without ever being overindulgent or gauche. I love both of them separately, and they are very complimentary together. The combination is extremely sensual and tacitly sexy, for intelligent, discerning, grown adults. I will wear this combination again, probably tomorrow morning when I get home from work after showering. It will be nice for daytime sleeping, which can be a challenge.

Happy Thanksgiving. –D